Sometimes, life is like you accidentally fell into a bottomless pit. At first, you thought you could hold on for a while, thinking “Just wait a little longer, maybe you can climb out.” However, as time goes by, you find that the pit is getting deeper and deeper, and it is dark all around, and you can’t see the end at all. This is the absurdity of life. Not only does it have no warning signs, but it always drags you into trouble silently.
That day, I met Xiao Li again. We haven’t seen each other for a long time, but whenever I think of him, I always have a complicated feeling in my heart, both reluctance and a faint fatigue. Xiao Li is my friend in college. He has a cheerful personality and is passionate about doing things. He can always bring a little light to the people around him on the dullest days. We used to do many crazy things together, traveling, drinking, chasing dreams. In short, when we were young, we always felt that the world was ours.
And now we are no longer the wanton and flamboyant self. Xiao Li is still the same as before, with a faint smile on his lips, but his eyes often flicker, and it can be seen that he is not as relaxed as he looks. I asked him what was wrong, but he just smiled faintly and said, “Nothing, just a little tired of life.”
Xiao Li and I sat in a cafe on the corner of the street, and the world around us seemed to have little to do with us. The aroma of coffee filled the air. While watching the people coming and going outside the window, I listened to Xiao Li talking about his recent life. It turned out that he had just experienced the breakdown of a relationship, which made him think that he had found the meaning of life and a harbor to rely on. However, like all things that once made people’s blood boil, that relationship also slowly became blurred under the polishing of time, and finally fell apart.
I looked at him and felt a little distressed. Xiao Li has never been a person who gives up easily. His passion, his ideals, and his dreams are always like a spark with infinite possibilities, illuminating everyone around him. But now he is no longer so determined and no longer so directional. There was a sense of emptiness in his eyes, as if he was looking for something, but he didn’t know what to look for.
“Do you remember what we said before?” Xiao Li suddenly asked me.
I was stunned for a moment, recalling the crazy words we said in those years. We once said, “No matter what, we will not be mediocre people.” We once said, “No matter how life is, we must live an extraordinary life.” At that time, we always felt that life should be full of passion and challenges, and every moment should be lived as if we were chasing some great goal.
However, Xiao Li is obviously no longer so confident and optimistic now. The vows we once made seem to be drowned in the hustle and bustle and restlessness of this city.
“Why did we become like this?” I asked him.
Xiao Li smiled and took a sip of coffee: “Maybe it’s because life is not that simple. When we were young, we always felt that the future was bright and that we could break all the rules, but in the end, you will find that no matter how hard you try, life will always wear you down until you can’t find the fresh self you once were.”
His voice was a little low, as if he was speaking his mind and saying goodbye to his past self. I suddenly realized that I might have lost my way as he did. We used to be crazy because of love and fight for our dreams, but in the end, we were sinking because of loneliness.
“Do you believe in fate?” Xiao Li asked again.
I was stunned for a moment and thought about it: “I don’t really believe in fate. I always feel that people should take control of their own lives, do what they want to do, and go the way they want to go. However, many times, we are clearly working hard and fighting, but in the end we still find that we are not where we want to go.”
He nodded, as if thinking about what I said. Then he smiled and said, “You are right. We cannot control our fate, but we must find a reason to live, otherwise there is no meaning in living.”
At that moment, I suddenly understood something. Our generation is always looking for the meaning of life, but we often forget that the meaning is not given to us by life, but given to life by ourselves. In this complicated world, each of us is trying our best to live. Some people have found their own direction, while others are lost in this vast fog.
Perhaps, what is really important is not the result, but what we have learned in the process, our understanding and perception of ourselves and life. As Xiao Li said, we live to find a reason that can support us to go on, no matter what the reason is.
When we walked out of the cafe, the rain outside had stopped, and the streets returned to their former hustle and bustle. We didn’t say anything more, but just walked silently on this familiar street, as if nothing had changed. But I know that it is ourselves who have changed.
The madness and passion of the past have become more and more distant, but we still live in this world, still looking for our own reasons, still walking, and still struggling.